God... I love you, but some times I wonder if you love me!
Because all the things you put me threw!
Why is it that you are taking my love away from me....?
God, I know you would never give me nothing I can' handle but I feel like life will never be complete with out the one's that was there for me from the start now he's gone.
You know what God some times I think you don't know how powerful you are to let the devil pollute what you created!
I know what I like... and I know what I once love, but..... your plan for me is the most complicate plan to work because I have my own plans to work.
It seems like the more I gain something I lost some a lot more important then what I gained!
It's like you don't want me to have no more then i do already because .
God i give my heart to humanity and all i get back is a slap in the face.
Every time I do something from the kindness of my heart I get hurt!
How am I suppose to love when am the one always getting hurt?
How am I suppose to live with out love... do you hear me are you listen how?
I guess I will never know in till it's to late.
I guess you expect me to figure it out.
I promise you i would be the best man I can be treat my woman like a queen and yet you still haven't brought me the queen to love....
Didn't make me pretty didn't make me ugly but I am glad you some body that will always love!
God can you do me a favor and tell my grandfather that i love him and it's hard down here with out him PLEASE?
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Monday, February 16, 2009
My grandfather died in my arms couple of weeks ago can you give me some advice?
I going to tell you the story so you can understand why I feel it’s my full.
It was like a 3week and two days ago when I call my grandfather (That was in Minnesota) and told him that I was robbed by some guy and girl that I thought was my friends.
I had told him that they cleared out all my bank account and took my safe and that I don’t have anymore money!
He told me that he was going to come and see and bring me some money so I can start investing again (I am real estate investor)and so I could pay my living expenses.
I specifically told him not to come and see because he was very sick (with diabetes and has heart problems ) and he told me he would stay in the hospital in till he‘s batter and send me some money.
Two days later he calls me and tells me he is in Hotel in Dallas and I need to see him if I wanted to get some money!
I wanted to ask him why did he lie to me (when we was on the phone) but I didn’t want to seem ungrateful or stress him out.
So I told him that I would meet him at the hotel in a hour.
45 minutes later I arrived at the hotel were he was staying and told him to check out of the hotel and come and stay with me, because I was worry about his health!
We went back to my place I cooked him dinner and I told him the exactly how i got robbed.
Then he Said ‘I only lied to you because I knew you wouldn’t approve of me leave the hospital to come and see you.
Kenneth before my daughter died I promised her that I will save you because I knew nobody else would!
Am here know and every thing was going to be ok, you just need to use your best judgment to analyze one character!
Then I told promise me, that he was going to go to the hospital morning because I knew that he was not well enough to be out the hospital!
Then he said to me “Love is a choice you make from moment to moment and no matter what going on in my life Kenneth I was always be in your’s….
And I started to cry…. because I knew that if something was to happen to him, that it would be my fault.
Then he said “why am I crying’ and I said because “am supposes to be man am not that little boy you took in after my dad left me and mom died!
Then he said “ Tell me who admires you and loves you, And I will tell you who you are.
Then I was speechless for a wile and then he was telling me that he need to get some sleep because we was tired.
I said ok and tuck him in bed and stayed up because I knew I needed find away to get him to the hospital because, something kept telling me that something going to go wrong, something was gong to go wrong and I try to block that thought!
So after every, twenty minutes I check up on him and kept drinking red bull trying keep my self from going to sleep because I was so tired.
Then I looked at the clock and went and sat down the on the coach and started singing the songs he once sang to when I my mom died! (Bob Marley-Ever thing going to be alright!).
I got to comfortable and anciently dosed off for and back and woke up.
I thought to my self I need to check up him, i need to check up on him, so I was on my way to the room he when herd him moaning and I ran into the room!
There he was ……shaking telling me to don’t call 911 every thing going to be all right And my first reaction was to call 911.
So I pulled my cell phone out of back pocket and started to dial 911 and he screamed at me and said “I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU IF YOU SEND ME BACK TO THAT HOSPITAL TO DIE!
At this point I didn’t know what was wrong him or what to do but hold him and ask what wrong, what wrong with him but he never would say!
All he said (Mumbling and moaning)“was am sorry, am so sorry Kenneth I love, am so.. Sorry, I can’t carry on!
Wile am holding him, crying trying to think what to do next shocked and confused praying to God that he won’t take him way from me!
I notice he wasn’t not shaking as much as he was when I first got a hold of him!
At this point I was trying to keep him talking asking why is are you leaving me
you and he said “I want to best for you…. but I can’t carry no more suffering….. like this!
I cried and I said to him ……you can’t die you ALL I HAVE, I have nobody else that loves me.
I said do you hear me… DO YOU….DAD.. YOU CAN’T GO, DAD…?
He slow stop shaking and he said I will always love you and he……… turned his head away from me…….. and left me for ever!!
Every since that day it’s been hard to think, sleep, and eat because I know in my heart that if I would have never told him that I got robbed he would have never felt like he need to save like he did when I was a little boy!
He was the only person in this world that I know that truly loves me who am and not for what I had, so what am I supposed to do now?
Who I got to count on in the cold world to help make it and feel loved and appreciated?
All I have is a dream nothing else no woman to share my life with, no kids, no nothing (except this http://thesecretpays.com/?70787)!!!
That’s what 2,500 a month, that not enough live the good life!
I just can’t get over the fact that the man that took me in when my mom died and my pop’s…. left me. is gone, GONE…… GONE, GONE, GONE,…………. What the fuck should I do now….. I don’t feel any thing right, nothing?
My life is over…..!
SO BODY PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!!
It was like a 3week and two days ago when I call my grandfather (That was in Minnesota) and told him that I was robbed by some guy and girl that I thought was my friends.
I had told him that they cleared out all my bank account and took my safe and that I don’t have anymore money!
He told me that he was going to come and see and bring me some money so I can start investing again (I am real estate investor)and so I could pay my living expenses.
I specifically told him not to come and see because he was very sick (with diabetes and has heart problems ) and he told me he would stay in the hospital in till he‘s batter and send me some money.
Two days later he calls me and tells me he is in Hotel in Dallas and I need to see him if I wanted to get some money!
I wanted to ask him why did he lie to me (when we was on the phone) but I didn’t want to seem ungrateful or stress him out.
So I told him that I would meet him at the hotel in a hour.
45 minutes later I arrived at the hotel were he was staying and told him to check out of the hotel and come and stay with me, because I was worry about his health!
We went back to my place I cooked him dinner and I told him the exactly how i got robbed.
Then he Said ‘I only lied to you because I knew you wouldn’t approve of me leave the hospital to come and see you.
Kenneth before my daughter died I promised her that I will save you because I knew nobody else would!
Am here know and every thing was going to be ok, you just need to use your best judgment to analyze one character!
Then I told promise me, that he was going to go to the hospital morning because I knew that he was not well enough to be out the hospital!
Then he said to me “Love is a choice you make from moment to moment and no matter what going on in my life Kenneth I was always be in your’s….
And I started to cry…. because I knew that if something was to happen to him, that it would be my fault.
Then he said “why am I crying’ and I said because “am supposes to be man am not that little boy you took in after my dad left me and mom died!
Then he said “ Tell me who admires you and loves you, And I will tell you who you are.
Then I was speechless for a wile and then he was telling me that he need to get some sleep because we was tired.
I said ok and tuck him in bed and stayed up because I knew I needed find away to get him to the hospital because, something kept telling me that something going to go wrong, something was gong to go wrong and I try to block that thought!
So after every, twenty minutes I check up on him and kept drinking red bull trying keep my self from going to sleep because I was so tired.
Then I looked at the clock and went and sat down the on the coach and started singing the songs he once sang to when I my mom died! (Bob Marley-Ever thing going to be alright!).
I got to comfortable and anciently dosed off for and back and woke up.
I thought to my self I need to check up him, i need to check up on him, so I was on my way to the room he when herd him moaning and I ran into the room!
There he was ……shaking telling me to don’t call 911 every thing going to be all right And my first reaction was to call 911.
So I pulled my cell phone out of back pocket and started to dial 911 and he screamed at me and said “I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU IF YOU SEND ME BACK TO THAT HOSPITAL TO DIE!
At this point I didn’t know what was wrong him or what to do but hold him and ask what wrong, what wrong with him but he never would say!
All he said (Mumbling and moaning)“was am sorry, am so sorry Kenneth I love, am so.. Sorry, I can’t carry on!
Wile am holding him, crying trying to think what to do next shocked and confused praying to God that he won’t take him way from me!
I notice he wasn’t not shaking as much as he was when I first got a hold of him!
At this point I was trying to keep him talking asking why is are you leaving me
you and he said “I want to best for you…. but I can’t carry no more suffering….. like this!
I cried and I said to him ……you can’t die you ALL I HAVE, I have nobody else that loves me.
I said do you hear me… DO YOU….DAD.. YOU CAN’T GO, DAD…?
He slow stop shaking and he said I will always love you and he……… turned his head away from me…….. and left me for ever!!
Every since that day it’s been hard to think, sleep, and eat because I know in my heart that if I would have never told him that I got robbed he would have never felt like he need to save like he did when I was a little boy!
He was the only person in this world that I know that truly loves me who am and not for what I had, so what am I supposed to do now?
Who I got to count on in the cold world to help make it and feel loved and appreciated?
All I have is a dream nothing else no woman to share my life with, no kids, no nothing (except this http://thesecretpays.com/?70787)!!!
That’s what 2,500 a month, that not enough live the good life!
I just can’t get over the fact that the man that took me in when my mom died and my pop’s…. left me. is gone, GONE…… GONE, GONE, GONE,…………. What the fuck should I do now….. I don’t feel any thing right, nothing?
My life is over…..!
SO BODY PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!!
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